A Rough Road
by Abbie1212
Summary: starting off just after Christmas in the 5th book AU but to the general plot line of the books Tonks and Lupin explore their feelings for each other but it turns out Lupin's much more tortured than he leads on. Lily/Lupin Flashbacks... Tonks/Lupin overall
1. Chapter 1

A/N: so as I had to type this up for my creative writing class anyways I figured I'd put it here too.. possible series, but one-shot for now… Read. Enjoy. Review… :) (First 125 words are from the book) starts just after Christmas in the 5th book…

A Rough Road

Harry glanced up at the three decks of The Knight Bus and saw all the passengers staring down at them, noses flat against the windows.

"You'll be safe once you're in the grounds," said Tonks, casting a careful eye around at the deserted road. "Have a good term, okay?"

"Look after yourselves," said Lupin, shaking hands all around and reaching Harry last. "And listen…" He lowered his voice while the rest of them exchanged last minute good-byes with Tonks, "Harry, I know you don't like Snape, but he is a superb Occlumens and we all – Sirius included – want you to learn to protect yourself, so work hard, all right?"

"Yeah, all right," said Harry heavily, looking up into Lupin's prematurely lined face. "See you then…"

"See you Harry," said Tonks, putting on a smile as they left, but they didn't hear her. "Well, do you have to get right off?"

"No," said Lupin, still watching the children as they headed up to the school.

"Dinner at The Three Broomsticks then, Remus?" Tonks asked and Lupin turned his head to look at her, smiling weakly.

"Sure," He said and she smiled happily as she skipped off towards the little pub.

Tonks, getting to the door first, opened it wide and held it open for Lupin behind her. He caught it as Tonks went over to the counter and sat down. He walked over and sat on the bar stool next to her. He sank down a little low, Madam Rosmerta tended to show her enthusiasm for him rather publicly. This was why he tried to avoid and empty Three Broomsticks at all costs. However, spending a little extra time with Tonks was not something he was not something he was going to pass up. Usually there was enough people in the pub that he could blend in, but that wasn't so today.

"Remus!" said the slightly eccentric barmaid.

"Rosmerta," said Lupin politely, as though he was just as happy to see her.

"What've you been up to?" She asked and Lupin shrugged, wishing someone else would walk in so she'd leave him be. "Oh, c'mon. You were part of James' gang after all, I can't imagine after all that trouble you were up to at school that you haven't found anything to busy yourself with."

"Yes.. well," said Lupin, still perfectly polite, "I'll have a fire-whiskey, Tonks? What'll you be having then?"

Lupin looked over to her, pleading for help as she looked from Rosmerta to him and back again.

"Right," she said, taking Lupin's hand over the counter top, "I'll have a butter-beer. And I think we'll share a Cauldron Salad."

"Oh, ok," said Rosmerta, slightly taken aback as she poured their drinks then disappeared into the back to prepare their salad.

"Thank-you," said Lupin, taking a deep breath and relaxing as Tonks withdrew her hand.

"No problem," said Tonks as Lupin took a sip of his drink. "You could have told mentioned it to me if you wanted to go elsewhere."

"No, it's fine," said Lupin as he watched Tonks take a sip of her butter-beer. "You seemed excited to come, my personal issues shouldn't come in the way of that."

Tonks simply watched him curiously as he faced forward. He slumped a little over the bar counter as he stared into the mirror back behind the liquor lined shelf. He was perfectly aware that she was still watching him, but he didn't see the need to say anything. Rosmerta returned a few minutes later with their salad, and then dismissed herself once more.

"Dig in," said Tonks, splitting the salad into two portions on either side of the elongated dinner plate. Lupin picked up a fork and did as he was told. "You're so quiet."

"Are you complaining?"

"No." Tonks replied very quickly. "I was just observing. All the other werewolves I've met are irritating people, you're not."

"Thanks," said Lupin, not exactly sure whether it was a compliment or not.

"No." said Tonks realizing how it sounded. "It's just, I meant you're different is all. In a good way."

"Okay…" said Lupin, trailing off to take a bite of the salad.

"Yeah," said Tonks vaguely, though she looked a bit embarrassed.

About mid meal an owl came soaring into the pub and landed on Lupin's shoulder and pecked at his ear. He looked around and took a gentle hold on the little owl so that he could get the scrap of parchment from its leg, then let it go. The owl hooted in slight adoration at Tonks as he landed next to the salad and started pecking at Lupin's side.

Lupin looked down at the note, which was written in Dumbledore's careful script.

Remus –

It is no longer safe where you are to be. I spoke with Padfoot, you may go there or to Molly's, whichever you wish. I'll be in contact.

Albus Dumbledore

Lupin read it twice. It was cryptic due to Umbridge's reign of terror up at the school. They all knew she was checking their post, and there wasn't anything that they could do about it. Lupin crumpled Dumbledore's note and levitated it over to the fire and dropped it unceremoniously into the flames.

"That from Dumbledore?" Tonks inquired in a hushed tone and Lupin nodded gravely as he down the rest of his drink. "Anything to do with me?"

"No. It's not safe for me to be at my post," said Lupin as Rosmerta came out of the back.

"Remus!" She said and his head popped up, "I will not have owls on my bar."

"Apologies," said Lupin, clearly disgruntled as the owl flew out the window.

"Bloody hell," said Tonks as soon as Rosmerta had disappeared again, and she realized the gravity behind Lupin's news.

The wolves had given into Fenrir Greyback and the Death Eaters. Such a – usually – violent and powerful herd of creatures was dangerous to have against them. The werewolves in the hands of the Death Eaters were a huge threat to the Order, not to mention the entire Wizarding Community at large. It didn't matter that they were all calling the Order crazy, misguided troublemakers. It was still crucial to protect them.

"Want to go?" Tonks asked after a few more minutes of silence.

"We'd better," said Lupin as he stood up and put enough money for Rosmerta on the counter for her.

"You're going back to – Padfoot's – then?" Tonks asked and Lupin nodded as he conjured up a Patronus and sent it off to warn Sirius he would be arriving shortly.

"Take care, Remus," Rosmerta called after them as they headed toward the door and out into the village.

"Are you all right?" Tonks asked as they headed down the street. She presumed that they were heading towards the hogshead to Dissaparate. However, Lupin turned last minute to lead her over towards the Shrieking Shack. "Remus? What're you doing?"

Lupin sat on a snow covered rock, his face in his hands, peaking out over his fingers at the old shack that meant so much to him, the one that held so many of his memories.

"I've failed." He said simply.

"Remus." Said Tonks bracingly as she sat down beside him, her hand resting on his shoulder, "The wolves were a longshot, and one of the hardest assignments. No one expected a miracle."

"Don't you get it, Tonks? I've failed everyone that's ever meant anything to me. Anyone I've ever cared for." Said Lupin, glaring up at the old shack, "Lily, James, Sirius, Dumbledore, my own family… What's to stop me from-"

"From what?" Tonks prompted him.

"Nothing," said Lupin, shaking his head. "I just can't fail Harry, not again."

"I didn't know Lily and James," said Tonks. "But from all I've heard about them they wouldn't blame you."

Lupin shot to his feet.

"I was always the responsible one," said Lupin. "Even when we were at school. I was the one to tell them they'd gone too far. I was the one that always saved their necks in the end. I couldn't… the one time they actually needed me I wasn't there for them…"

"Remus," said Tonks, but Lupin kept going.

"Then I gave up on Sirius, leaving him to the dementors without a second thought." Lupin continued. "One of my oldest friends who accepted me as I was, and I sided with the people who persecuted me."

"Sirius doesn't…" Tonks tried again, but Lupin cut her off once more.

"And Harry," said Lupin, breathless from working himself up so much. "I if I hadn't gotten sacked. If I had managed to somehow patch things us with Severus… If I had kept my nose clean the night in the shrieking shack… Harry's name would have never gotten into the Goblet of Fire. Voldemort wouldn't be back now. If I had stayed out of the shrieking shack Peter would be in Askaban and Sirius would be free."

"Remus," said Tonks, exasperatedly as she stood up, and walked over to him, pacing her hand on his shoulder. "You can't put all that stuff on yourself. Voldemort would have found another way to get his name in the cup. Sirius might've killed Pettigrew on sight if you weren't there to stop him, and then he and Harry would have never connected. And as for Lily and James, you couldn't have known. No one knew, Remus."

"Saying that I couldn't have known doesn't change the guilt I already feel," said Lupin solemnly, unable to get mad at her.

"Remus," said Tonks, putting her hand up to his face, "You're a good man, one of the very few left. You're damaged, but who isn't? Your scars just show on your sleeve. You're truly a beautiful person, Remus, and I don't know how anyone can miss it."

Lupin looked inot her eyes for mere seconds before crashing his lips onto hers. Her arms wrapped quickly around his neck as his hands went to her sides. All the emotions that had been building up between the pair in the secen months since they had first met each other poured out.

Suddenly he pulled away, shaking his head as he backed away from her. Her face dropped as she registered the panic crossing Lupin's face, and then he was gone. Dissaparated.

A split second later Lupin Apparated onto the doorstep of Number Twelve Grimauld Place, London. He burst through the door and into the hall where Sirius was starting to take down the Christmas decorations.

"I kissed her," said Lupin, hyperventilating as he nearly collapsed, standing up only because he was leaning on a wall.

"It's about bloody time, Mate."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Hey, forgot to put this on the first chapter… but I didn't think that there would be much confusion between JK Rowling and myself, she's amazing, and I'm crappy a lot of the time… so yeah not mine

A/N: Hey, so I figured I had a little time and Lupin kept popping in and out of my head today… so here this is… Read. Enjoy. Review…

A Rough Road

Chapter Two

"You slimy old git," said Sirius, looking at his friend reproachfully from across the table in the basement dining area of Grimauld place, "I can't believe you did this."

Lupin had just finished relaying the day's events to him, leaving out the subjects of his melt down. He had told him in excruciating detail just about every second of the day, and when he was done it was late. Sirius got up and went into the kitchen and returned with a big, old, dusty bottle of wine. Sirius poured him a big glass full as Lupin's head fell into his hands.

"I'm such a moron," said Lupin.

"You're slime, Mate," said Sirius, pouring himself a glass as well, "Everyone's known she fancies you. They have since you were first introduced you two. You were a little harder to figure out, mate, but being the best friend that I am I figured it out very quickly. You're madly in love with her too. And now you've made a right mess of things."

"And you feel the need to shove it in my face," said Lupin, taking his head out of his hands and looking up at the ceiling, "Thanks."

"What're best friends for but to help you feel miserable?" said Sirius cheerily as he tipped his glass to Lupin and took a sip, "So what's next on your great plan?"

"Well, as I've destroyed the relationship I've been building for the past half of a year, my first instinct is to grovel," said Lupin, "But maybe what happened was best. Maybe she'll be better off without me."

"Now don't make me sock you, Remus," said Sirius, less than happily, and Lupin was slightly taken aback by the abrupt change in his friend's attitude. He peeled his eyes away from the spot her had been studying on the ceiling and looked over at Sirius who had a very uncharacteristically serious expression on his face. "I'm serious, mate. I've always said you've taken a rididulous stance on stuff like this."

"Stuff like this?"

"Women, mate," Sirius elaborated, "If I had helf the girls chasing you did while we were at school…"

"Perhaps that's why you didn't," said Lupin and Sirius shrugged.

"The only one you ever dated was Lily."

"Hush."

"Oh, c'mon," said Sirius, "It was fifth year, James would have known by now."

"Harry can't know," said Lupin gravely and Sirius looked at him curiously.

"You regret dating her?"

"I regret keeping it secret," said Lupin, "I should have told James."

"Why would you have?" asked Sirius, "You started dating her and the next week James announced that he was in love with her."

"I should have told him," said Lupin, "I was too much of a coward to tell him. I thought he would make all of you ditch me or whatever. That was just after you three figured it out. Lily had already known the year before. She came to visit me over the summer…"

"What ever happened between you two?" Sirius asked curiously, "Just out of morbid curiosity."

"I broke up with her summer before seventh year."

"Well yeah, I knew that much."

"She liked James, and she was too sweet to break up with me for him, so I did it for her."

"Oh, aren't we the hero?"

"Hardly," said Remus, taking a sip of his wine and massaging his temples.

"You loved her?"

"Right up until the wedding," said Lupin, "Still do."

"I'm sorry, Mate," said Sirius, realizing just how damaged and beaten down his friends.

"Hey, wasn't meant to be," said Lupin.

"And Tonks?"

"Maybe that's not supposed to happen either."

"Oh no," said Sirius, "I'm not letting you let this one go. She's on the hook, you just got to reel her in, Mate."

"If she's still on the hook," said Lupin, rolling his eyes as he went along with Sirius' crazy metaphor.

"Oh, she is, trust me," said Sirius, "You can just go ahead and find her tomorrow and apologize. She doesn't strike me as one to hold a grudge."

"And if she hates me?" Lupin asked and Sirius shrugged.

"Worst case scenario you end up hexed," said Sirius and Lupin nodded.

"Thanks."

"I wouldn't be thanking me yet," said Sirius as he was looking at the staircase and Lupin whipped around to see an owl soaring in. It dropped a red smoking envelope on the table, Lupin was mortified. "Open it mate, it's always better when you face it."

Lupin nodded as he picked up the envelope, very carefully breaking the seal. The second he did the letter flew out of his hand and got right up in his face before it started to scream at him.

"REMUS JOHN LUPIN!" A very angry version of Molly Weasley's voice echoed through the room. "WHAT THE DEVIL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?! I can't believe what you've done. I thought you were the safe one. I thought you were responsible enough not to do such a foolish thing, and to Tonks no less! Perhaps I mistook your character. Either way she showed up in tears on my front step! YOU WILL FIX THIS REMUS!"

Lupin remained silently, mostly out of shock as the letter ripped itself up into tiny pieces then burst into flames. Sirius was silent for a second, and he brushed the ash off the table before clearing his throat.

"Well, at least we know where she is now," said Sirius, "Saves you from some searching tomorrow."

Sirius then burst into an hysterical fit of laughter.

"What about this is funny to you?" Lupin asked, suddenly disgusted with himself once more, "I've destroyed my budding relationship with the first girl I've had feelings for since Lily."

"I know, Moony," said Sirius, desperately trying to cease his uncontrollable laughter, "It's just, she thought the werewolf was safe."

Lupin chuckled a bit at Sirius' little joke before taking another sip of wine.

"I could write her a reply for you if you'd like," said Sirius, taking another sip of his drink, "And you're Molly's favorite. Imagine if I was the one that messed with her. Jeez…"

"You're planning on kissing your cousin?"

"Shut your mouth."

Lupin chuckled.

"Gladly," said Lupin, standing up, and magically cleaning his glass before levitating it back over to its shelf, "I'm going to bed."

"See you in the morning," said Sirius cheerily.

Lupin then proceeded to climb the three flights of stairs that Sirius had named as his when he stayed. He walked in and very quickly noticed that his friend had had the closet stocked for him since he had last stayed. He smiled as he looked at the new robes. They were identical to the ones he usually wore, but were new, stiff, and sturdy looking. He laid back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep but he had needed some time to himself to think.

Sirius had been the only one that knew Lupin – and maybe Dumbledore – were the only ones that ever knew of his and Lily's relationship. Except maybe some of the girls she hung around with when they were dating and broke up. What would Tonks think if she knew? What would anyone say? But what would Tonks say?

His mind immediately went back to Tonks and back to how much of a git he was. He couldn't remember when he fell asleep, but all he remembered was waking up in the morning. He was still in his clothes, and sat up with a stiff back, stretching as his eyes opened more and more. He yawned slightly.

He got out of bed and went down the hall, showering quickly before getting dressed. He passed Sirius' room without knocking, figuring he'd let his friend sleep until he got back. He went down to the kitchen on soft feet as to not wake anything up, but then just turned around. He wasn't hungry, and he knew he wouldn't be until he talked to Tonks.

He Apparated onto the edge of the Weasleys' property and it was only seven, but Molly was out hanging laundry. She was busy, and didn't notice him right away. He figured that was best, as she would start yelling if she saw him before he got to say anything. He walked over quietly, trying not to scare her, she was much too jumpy for her own good lately.

"Molly?" He said and she spun around.

"Remus! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry," said Lupin politely, "Is Tonks still here or is she…"

"No, she's inside," said Molly, but the way she said it made him think that she wasn't done with him yet.

"Can I go inside?"

"No," said Molly, putting the rest of her laundry into her basket, "I'll tell her you're here, if she wants to talk to you she'll come out."

"Fair enough."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N:Ok, so if you haven't noticed I have decided to make this a full story… lol… ok so here we go… (If you haven't noticed it's mostly Lupin centric, and I'm not sure that's going to change, I kind of like it that way… lol) Read. Enjoy. Review :) & Happy Thanksgiving! *And Happy Thursday to those not in US* lol

A Rough Road

Chapter Three

Lupin merely looked up at the house for a few minutes, accentuating his feeling of helplessness before walking over towards the gardens. It was peaceful, a bit cold, seeing at it was still January. Lupin pulled out his wand and cleared off a bench that overlooked the dull and dead gardens. The shriveled crops were still beneath the light dusting of snow, in the chaos of what had been going on they had been forgotten.

Lupin sat there, for what had to be hours, just staring at the snow. He was reflecting over the twists and turns of his life, the ones that brought him here, sitting outside in the snow. He was grateful to his friend for his generosity, in that he was warm in the new robes. His chin in his hand he just sat there, not moving, not doing anything physically as he just thought over everything that came to mind, way over analyzing anything that did.

"Why're you still here?" called a familiar woman's voice, which made Lupin pick his head up. Tonks was crossing the yard towards him. He said nothing as he rose, she stopped a few feet in front of him. "You simply showing up here proves that I was right about you. You're a good man, and honorable. That you don't care for me won't cloud that. You can go."

"Tonks, I didn't come to protect my honor," he said, "I have no honor to protect, I'm a werewolf. I lied through my teeth to my friend even when he was facing death, and I ran away from you. I'm so sorry, Tonks."

"It's fine," said Tonks, "You can go without feeling guilty."

"Tonks…" said Lupin, not quite getting why she didn't comprehend, he raised a hand to her cheek but she pulled away.

"It's ok, go," said Tonks, "You're off free, you were upset."

"I was upset, but that's no excuse," said Lupin and he held his hand up so that she wouldn't interrupt him. "I'm sorry I kissed you like that, I always thought our first kiss would be… more romantic or something."

Tonks, who had been looking at the ground looked up at him like she could not believe her ears. She looked up at him curiously, just waiting for him to say something else, to reassure her in some way.

"I love you," he said simply and Tonks cocked her head to the side as he took a deep breath, "Now I will leave, if you still want me to."

"You should," said Tonks and Lupin nodded as he started walking over towards the edge of the property, "Wait, Remus!"

Lupin stopped in his tracks, turning around as Tonks through her arms around his neck. She couldn't help but kiss him briefly.

"What-?" Lupin breathed as she pulled away.

"You have got to learn when not to listen to me," said Tonks, and Lupin smiled.

"I imagine that'll come," said Lupin as the door to the Burrow burst open.

Molly came running out with Arthur very close behind her. Tonks pulled the rest of the way away from Lupin, but wrapped her arm around him as he put his arm around her shoulders.

"Molly!" called Arthur as he limped slightly, still recovering from his injury.

"Oh, finally!" she said happily as she bounced towards them and Tonks looked rather frightened.

"Yes, Molly," said Lupin, realizing just how transparent they'd both been.

"Molly, I'm sure they have to go," said Arthur, trying to help them out.

"Nonsense!" said Molly, "You two must stay for lunch."

"Um," said Lupin and Tonks looked up at him brightly, he knew she'd be ok whatever. "I told Sirius I'd be back for lunch. He gets lonely. But Tonks you can obviously stay here if you wish."

"I'll go with you," said Tonks and Lupin nodded lightly.

"See you later at the meeting then," said Molly, sounding a little disappointed.

Lupin smiled at her politely as he Disapparated, taking Tonks, who was clinging to him along with him. When they showed up on Sirius' doorstep Lupin opened the door and they walked in, where Sirius was waiting for them.

"Success!" he said, throwing his hands up in victory.

In Sirius' excitement he forgot to keep it to a whisper and the curtains next to him flew open to reveal the shrieking picture of his mother. Lupin rolled his eyes as he withdrew his arm from around Tonks.

"I'll meet you downstairs," He whispered and Tonks nodded as she followed Sirius down to the kitchen.

"FILTH! BLOODTRAITORS! HALF-BREEDS!"

"Calm down," said Lupin, using his charismatic nature to try to instill calm into the painted woman, which usually worked. Which was why it was usually left to him to calm her down, but for some reason it didn't this time, so he held the curtains together for a few minutes until she fell back to sleep before he went down to the kitchen, "Your welcome, Sirius."

"I really need to get rid of that portrait," Sirius seethed and Lupin laughed as he got everyone drinks and joined Tonks and Sirius at the table.

"So I'm assuming that you've forgiven him," said Sirius taking a sip.

"Be careful about assumptions," Lupin warned light heartedly but Tonks nodded.

"Good," said Sirius, "It's good to see old Moony happy again."

It was amazing to Lupin how quickly and easily Tonks just seemed to fit. She just seemed to slide right in perfectly. He knew things would be very serious very quickly, just as they had been with Lily. He tried not to think about it as he listened to and watched Tonks interact with Sirius and himself. She leaned forward to grab her glass and Lupin withdrew his arm, folding his hands in his lap.

When Tonks leaned back again she very casually leaned against Lupin's shoulder. Lupin was suddenly panicked with where he should be putting his arms. Everything had been so natural up 'til then, so he figured putting his arm around her shoulder would be appropriate. Sirius smirked, trying desperately not to laugh at his friend while Tonks beamed up at Lupin, creating confidence in him as he grinned.

The general happy atmosphere brought them into what was expected to be the most boring Order of the Phoenix meeting of their lives five hours later. Lupin sat at the magically elongated dinner table between Sirius and Tonks, with Dumbledore to Sirius' immediate left. The rest of the table was filled in with the members of the order, minus Kingsley, who was on guard duty over the prophecy.

Dumbledore had explained the prophecy to Sirius and Lupin, saying that he knew Lily and James would want them both to know. Everyone else on the other hand, had no idea what they'd been risking their lives to protect. They just knew it had to do with Harry. Though, now that Lupin knew he was constantly worried that Harry's life was in danger, then again, Harry's life was always in danger, and it would be until Voldemort was gone.

Lupin's hand clentched into a fist at the mere thought of Voldemort, and suddenly a smaller hand was covering it. Lupin looked over at Tonks who smiled at him weakly and Lupin noticed Molly Weasley smiling happily over at them. Lupin unclenched his fist and took Tonks' hand in one swift movement.

"Oh, as I understand congratulations are in order," said Dumbledore kindly, winking slightly at the new couple.

"Thank-you, sir," said Lupin meekly as he tried to avoid Snape's glare and accept the 'congrats' and 'finally's from everyone else.

He had forgotten in all the chaos that he would have to answer to Snape. His time with Lily had always been tainted by her old best friend. He was always telling her he wasn't good enough, which was the beginning of their troubles, which he felt bad about. Lupin had never been truly mean to him as his friends had. He figured the reason Severus hated him so much was because (a) he had Lily and (b) he broke her heart. Lupin was sure the first portion was what bothered him the most. It was common fact that Snape liked her too.

"Really Lupin?" Severus asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Not now, Severus."

"Yes why don't you get to your report, Snivellous," said Sirius, who had caught on and Dumbledore cleared his throat as Snape opened his mouth to retort.

"Severus," said Dumbledore, as Tonks looked slightly bewilderedly up at Lupin, who kept his eye on Dumbledore, "Let's get this meeting going shall we?"

Lupin just stared down at the table for the rest of the meeting, trying to avoid Severus' searing glare as he spoke. Lupin smiled slightly as he heard Sirius scoff at something that sounded easy and Severus was building up like it was something hard. About mid meeting Tonks looked up at him, bewildered, and he looked to her, smiling weakly. She seemed to understand and leaned up and kissed his cheek. He smiled, but refused to look at Severus.

"Lupin, may I talk to you upstairs please?" Severus asked with forced politeness after the meeting, he was looking at Tonks with a scathing look.

"Sure," said Lupin, polite as ever.

There was a silence in the kitchen as though Lupin was being marched to his death as Severus lead him upstairs. They stopped in the foray, and looked to the portrait before Snape rolled his eyes and lead Lupin to an upstairs bedroom, and shut the door behind him. Snape glared at him without saying a thing for a few seconds.

"Are you going to yell?" Lupin asked, "Or are you going to give me a chance to explain."

"I can't believe you," He said, "Lily just died-"

"…fifteen years ago," said Lupin, "And I wasn't even with her then."

"You could have been, and maybe, had you married her she wouldn't have been killed."

"She married James," said Lupin, something cold in his voice, "Not me."

"Only because you broke her heart," said Snape angrily, "She wanted you. She loved you."

"I wasn't good enough," said Lupin, "I'm a werewolf, and she would be exiled because of it."

"She didn't care," said Snape, "And what, Tonks is low enough for you?"

"Don't you dare insult her."

"Lily loved you just as much as that girl down there."

"Yes," said Lupin, "She did, she loved me, and she loved James. She never loved you, not like that."

"You Prat.."

"And it's not my fault, however much you may blame me," said Lupin, cutting him off, "Perhaps if you hadn't run off to join the Death…"

"Silence!" said Severus, seething as Lupin shut his mouth.

Snape then excused himself from the room, having heard enough. Lupin just stood there a second. He stared out the window as a long suppressed memory returned to him.

Lupin sat in his chair by the window, he had just been sitting at The Three Broomsticks with James, Sirius, and Peter. James hadn't wanted a big bachelor party so they had just gone out for drinks, and Rosmerta had decorated the place up for them. Lupin was staying in a small inn in Hogsmeade, with Sirius and Peter in the rooms to either side of him. James' mother had requested that he spend his last night at home actually at home. The wedding was to be at James' parents' house. Lupin was dreading it.

While Lily's parents liked James fine, they made no secret to him that they preferred Lupin. They kept it all quiet in front of James, per Lily's request, but even Petunia liked him rather than James. She barely spoke to James, and always struck up conversations with him. He had been trying to explain to her to warm up to James, but it wasn't working.

He was about to hop into his bed, heart aching about what he had to do the next day when he heard a knock on the door. He rubbed his eyes and went over to the door, opening it before checking who it was.

"Lily?" He said as though he couldn't believe his eyes.

She nodded as he stepped aside so that she could come in and she took off her cloak as Lupin closed the door behind her.

"Remus," she said happily, admiring him from where she stood, about half the room away from him.

"Yes?"

"Give me a reason not to marry him, Remus," she said, and Lupin took a deep breath as she took a step closer to him, "I love you Remus, It's always been you."

"Lily," said Lupin, his heart splitting in two right across his face, "I told you…"

"Remus, when are you going to realize that I don't care?" She asked, and Lupin took a deep breath as she reached her hand out.

She managed to brush her hand against his cheek, and he leaned into it until all sanity snapped back into his brain.

"Lily," He said softly, taking her hand and kissing the back of it lightly, "Marry him."

"Remus… please," she pleaded, "I love James, but he's no you. You're sweet, and cautious… and…Someone I could actually see myself growing old with…"

"Lily," said Remus, taking a deep breath before he did the hardest thing he had ever done, "Marry James, or don't marry him, but don't make your decision because you think something will happen with us. We will never be again, Lily."

He tried to wipe the small glistening tear from her face, but she turned away, and he watched her walk out the door.

Lupin was suddenly brought back to the present, and he came crashing back to it hard. He was sitting with his back against the wall just below the window showing the perfect starry sky. Tonks had sunk down to the floor next to him, and he didn't realize that he had been crying until she reached up and wiped it away for him.

"What was that all about?" She asked, obviously referring to Snape's attitude towards him all evening.

"Nothing," said Lupin, "Old business that never got resolved."

"Ok," said Tonks, watching him in such a trusting manor it made his heart ache double, "You ok?"

"I'm fine," He said kindly as he stood up and then helped her up too, "It's nothing new."

"Ok," she said, leaning up and kissing him softly, "I've got to go, I've got to go relieve Kingsley."

"Be careful," Lupin said, kissing her forehead, "Please."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey… so there will be flashbacks… making it more Lily/Lupin _and _Tonks/Lupin, but it does have some interesting twists while still going along with the books as much as possible… lol.. it's like half Au… Read. Enjoy. Review… :-)

A Rough Road

Chapter Four 

A week later Lupin sat in the library reading a book and he had grabbed off one off the shelves. It was to the best of his knowledge Sirius' as it had nothing to do with how perfect

said Sirius as Lupin opened the letter.

"Maybe you're right," said Lupin as he read over Dumbledore's letter.

"From the headmaster?" said Sirius in a falsely polite manner.

"Yeah," said Lupin, "He wants to station me in Hogsmeade. So I'll be closer to the school."

"Oh," said Sirius, "I'm sorry mate."

"Only for the next week," said Lupin, still looking at the letter, "Apparently he thinks I'll be needed. It's not until just after Valentine's Day, which is good because Ollivander only needs me up until then."

"Oh," said Sirius, used to his friend doing odd jobs for some of the kinder Wizarding community, "What're you doing for Ollivander?"

"He just sent me an owl the other day that he needed some help in his shop," said Lupin, "He's been busy lately and wants me to help him out with some of his book keeping. He says he'll keep me on for a month or so."

"That's good," said Sirius, but lupin saw the annoyance on his face.

Lupin had gotten top grades all through school and was extraordinarily bright. He had graduated at the top of their class and yet no one would hire him. His grades should have meant that he could do just about anything he wanted, but nobody would hire a werewolf. It was complete ignorance, as anyone knew if they spent more than ten seconds with Lupin he would prove all their prejudices against werewolves wrong.

Dumbledore had paid him his teacher's salary for a year after he was fired, as severant's pay, then paid him again to go underground with the werewolves at the end of the previous year. He was ok with that and he always managed to scrape some sort of thing for himself, but it was hard, much harder than it should have been for him, but he refused to be paid for doing nothing, and he refused to stay with someone for much longer than a few weeks. Unless of course it was Sirius, where he could earn his keep by being the one sent out on errands and do odd jobs for the order while he was at it.

"What time is it?" Lupin asked and Sirius looked at his watch.

"Three-thirty," said Sirius fixing his sleeve to fall over his watch again, "Why?"

"Tonks gets off at five," said Lupin.

"I take it she's coming over?" said Sirius and Lupin nodded.

"I offered to cook her dinner," said Lupin, rubbing his eyes as he sat up, "She said she'd be by after work."

"Oh, right," said Sirius, "You told me you needed the kitchen and stuff last night, right?"

"Yeah," said Lupin, "I'll make your dinner first, then you can eat it when you get hungry."

"You don't need to cook for me, Mate," said Sirius mischievously, "I'm not your girl, or your kid. No matter how much you do look after me."

"What do you want for dinner?" Lupin asked, disregarding Sirius' statement, and Sirius took a heavy breath.

"Shepherd's pie sounds good," said Sirius happily and Lupin rolled his eyes, "If I tell you I love you and cuddle with you later will it be more worth your time."

"Shut up," said Lupin as he put the book he had been reading over his letter from Dumbledore on the coffee table.

"Just cook whatever you're making for her," said Sirius as Lupin reached the door.

"You don't like spaghetti," said Lupin, and Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"_Lady and the Tramp_ing it are we?" Sirius asked playfully, Lupin didn't even want to know how he, the son of pureblood mania, had seen the muggle movie.

"I thought _Beauty and the Beast_ would be more appropriate," said Lupin, shrugging as he walked out of the room.

"Never caught that one," Sirius called after him, and Lupin chuckled as he headed down to the kitchen.

He whipped Sirius up his shepherd's pie very quickly with the aid of Magic. He set Sirius' dinner out on the table and went back to the kitchen to cook for himself and Tonks. This he made fully from scratch, without really using his wand, he always thought things tasted better that way. He was stirring the pasta as Sirius came in with his plate, all cleaned by magic, and set it in the cabinet.

"How's it coming?" Sirius asked, sitting at the small wooden table, leaning back.

"Good," said Lupin passively as he stirred the sauce in the pan before letting it simmer and going to sit with Sirius, "What am I doing?"

"You're cooking dinner for your girlfriend?" Sirius said questioningly as Lupin put his head in his hands.

"I'm Thirty-five years old," said Lupin, "Poor and… she's twenty-two and beautiful. What is

she doing with me?"

"I honestly don't know," said Sirius, "But I wouldn't question it, she likes you."

"For some ungodly reason," said Lupin and Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Shut up and enjoy, Remus," said Sirius.

"At her expense?" said Lupin, looking up, and resting his chin in his hands, "I should just nip this in the bud."

"Because it could actually work out?" Sirius asked and Lupin gave him a skeptical look, "Listen, mate, I've seen you pass up a lot because you don't think you're good enough. Lily, for example, but seriously, Lily's not here to tell you this, so I'm going to say it for her, a little less nicely than she would have. 'Shut up and take what should be yours. You're a good guy, and you need to learn to take what's delivered to your doorstep.' Also, and I'm just throwing this in here, Mate, you're a moron for believing whatever old Snivelly told you the other night."

"Thanks," said Lupin, getting up to go stir the pasta before straining it.

"See?" said Sirius, "What would you ever do without me?"

Lupin smiled as he strained the pasta and threw it into a bowl with the sauce. He started divvying it up between two plates when they heard the door open upstairs and something large falling onto the ground.

"I got it," said Sirius as Lupin grabbed a bottle of wine, and levitated the two plates over towards the table.

"Thanks," said Lupin nervously as he flicked his wand and set candles on fire all around the kitchen.

"Look at that, Romeo," Sirius teased as he headed up the stairs, "I'll send her down."

Sirius' mother screamed for only a few seconds before Tonks came down the stairs, Lupin presumed Sirius muffled her by some sort of magic.

"How was work?" Lupin asked as she entered the dining room, and put her arms around his neck.

"Dead boring," she said as she kissed him lightly.

"Really?" Lupin asked, smiling with a small twinkle in his eye as she looked up into his eyes, he then added grimly, "I'm sure it'll pick up soon, it's only a matter of time."

"Don't be so cheery, Remus," she said with a smile, kissing his cheek before walking over to the table.

She looked at the table for a second. Lupin had it set for the two of them, set up so that they were across from each other with a candle in the middle and the fire behind them. She just looked at the table for a second then pulled the further plate forward so it was next to the other plate.

"I knew something was wrong," said Lupin as he walked over and put his arms around her, kissing the side of her neck.

"This is so much better," she replied with a smile as he lenaed over and kissed he lightly.

"Hungry?"

"Extremely,'" she replied as he released her, then led her to sit down by her hand.

"Eat then," He said, and he watched her eat for a few minutes before picking up a fork himself.

He smiled as he finished off and realized that Tonks was finished and watching him. Their actual eating time had been spent in comfortable silence as they ate. She hadn't been kidding when she said she was hungry. He leaned back as she leaned onto his chest as he sent the dishes into kitchen and wrapped his arms around her. She sighed heavily and turned her head up to look into his eyes.

"You're adorable," she said and Lupin rolled his eyes.

"Tonks, you're beautiful," He said as he leaned down and kissed her sweetly as he tried to ignore a loud thump from upstairs.

"What was that?" Tonks asked and Lupin shrugged.

"Sirius feeding Buckbeak?" He asked and Tonks just looked at him for a second.

"Moony! Need some help!"

"He's like a little kid I swear," said Lupin a little irritatedly as he stood up and Tonks followed him to the stairs.

"I've never seen you this irritated," she said and Lupin smirked.

"Interrupting time with you is unacceptable," He said sweetly as they started to climb up a second flight of stairs.

They came to the landing out near Lupin and Sirius' rooms. He was lying on the ground clutching his leg, which was sticking out at an odd angle. He had seemingly fallen down the stairs.

"What're we going to do?" Tonks immediately started to panic, "It's not like we can bring him to St. Mungos."

"Relax," said Lupin, flicking his wand almost lazily as Sirius sprang to his feet.

"Thanks, Mate," He said and Tonks just looked up at Lupin.

"Did I miss something?" She asked and Sirius chuckled.

"He never told you he was going to be a healer?" said Sirius, "Top of his class, only the article that announced his furry little secret came out just after graduation, nobody would hire the poor guy."

"Honestly?" Tonks asked Lupin, who shrugged.

"It was a long time ago," said Lupin, "You should be good, Sirius. Just the leg?"

"There's a little pain in my buttocks area," said Sirius and Lupin chuckled.

"Yeah, I know the feeling," said Lupin, "You'll be fine."

"Oh, don't be a sore sport, Moony," said Sirius, looking at Tonks and winking at her mischievously, "I don't think she minds."

"I don't," said Tonks shyly and Lupin smiled at her weakly.

"I'll go now," said Sirius smiling as he passed them and into his bedroom.

"So…" said Tonks, attaching herself to Lupin's arm, "Can we go for a walk?"

"Sure," said Lupin, checking his watch before leading her back down the stairs.

He grabbed her coat off the stand and helped her into it. He smiled at her sweetly as she opened the door and they stepped outside.

"Which way is more scenic?" Tonks asked him as they walked onto the sidewalk, hands laced together.

"That way's a park," said Lupin pointing right, "And left's all residential."

"Park sounds nice," said Tonks with a cheery smile and he nodded as they headed up the street. They walked up to the gates, which were locked by the time they arrived, and Tonks stopped, as Lupin looked up at the fence, "What're you doing?"

"Jumping the fence, of course," said Lupin and Tonks laughed.

"Why don't we just Apparate to the other side of the fence?" Tonks asked and Lupin shook his head as he started to climb up.

"That's not nearly as fun, c'mon," He said, chuckling lightly as he landed safely on the other side, "C'mon."

"I don't know.."

"C'mon, Tonks," said Lupin smiling, "Aren't you supposed to be the one telling me to hop the fence?"

"Fine," said Tonks and Lupin smiled as she landed beside him, "Happy?"

"Perfectly," Lupin with a mischievous smile as he led her off for a stroll hand in hand.

"So tell me about your last girlfriend," said Tonks and Lupin raised his eyebrows, "Oh, c'mon. I know I'm not your first, but I also can't imagine someone being so stupid to break up with you."

Lupin was silent for a second.

"That's an extraordinarily long story," said Lupin, swinging their hands, "How about you have a go first."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Ok, *** Indicates flashback it's a REALLY LONG CHAPTER DON'T WORRY THAT THE FLASHBACK IS FOREVER!!! Like seriously .this chapter's a BEAST… and yea I just noticed the other day that both Lily and Petunia are flowers (And Petunia's older, which was I surprise to me when I double checked)… Read. Enjoy. Review…

A Rough Road

Chapter Five

"It's ok, Remus," said Tonks after they walked in awkward silence for a while, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want too. Just a stupid…"

"No," said Lupin, squeezing her hand reassuringly "It's fine for you to be curious.

"Well there's no way you broke up with her," said Tonks, and Lupin shook his head, but she didn't pay attention, "Oh my Lord, she died?"

"Kind of," said Lupin and Tonks just looked at him skeptically.

"You can't kind of die," said Tonks, "What happened?"

***

Seventeen year old Lupin stood outside Lily's house. It was summer, about a week before they were to start their seventh year. It wasn't uncommon for people to be engaged their seventh year at Hogwarts. He stood there nervously, rolling his grandmother's ring in his pocket. He just wanted to do it so badly, but he knew he couldn't. After all that James had done for him – scratch that. He was doing this for Lily, and he couldn't even lie to himself about it. It was only a matter of time before everyone found out that he was a werewolf, and proposing would only maim Lily's reputation, it was much like fighting for a girl's honor.

The combination of his love for her, his loyalty to James, and his own insecurities were sending him hurtling for this outcome. Lily could be happy with James, once she stopped hating him, which was all he ever wished for her, and James would be happy. He was at James' house with him, Peter, and Sirius for the past couple days and James was saying that he was going to have a go at her when they got back to school. It made sense, James was supposed to get the girl, in all the stories the person in his position got the girl. Lupin was fearful that if he didn't break up with Lily that James would find out when they got back to school and hate him for it, or for hiding it more likely.

"Remus!" called Petunia, Lily's older sister, she had just turned nineteen, "Come along, mother and I just made sweets. Lily saw you walking up and ran to take a shower she slept late this morning."

"Ok," said Lupin kindly as he walked through the front garden towards the house, "What did you make?"

"Chocolate truffle," Petunia replied and Lupin chuckled superficially.

"You're trying to make me go into a sugar coma," said Lupin and she chuckled girlishly as she opened the screen door for him, "Thank-you."

"Welcome," said Petunia, leading him into the house he knew by heart, and then into the kitchen, "Lily! He's finally decided to come in."

"Hello, Mrs. Evans," Lupin said politely to Lily's mother.

"Remus," she said with a smile, her eyes seemed to sparkle when she saw him, "Would you like some truffle?"

"No thanks," said Lupin as Lily came down the stairs behind him, "I just came from James' house. Mrs. Potter had me eating the entire weekend."

"I really don't see why you hang out with that lot," said Lily, coming up behind him and kissing the side of his face, and he smiled as he turned around.

Only Lily could get that smile out of him. Sirius called it his 'Lily' smile.

"I missed you," He said truthfully and she leaned down and pecked his lips.

"Well if you spent less time with that awful lot…"

"They're not awful," said Lupin, sticking up for his friends as he placed his hands on her hips.

"Oh yeah? And why is it that you won't tell them about us?"

"Because James is hell bent on having you," said Lupin, "And I was originally afraid they would abandon me. Sirius proved me wrong, but I can't tell them now, I have to wait for his little crush to pass.." …Or just never.

"James is a moron," said Lily, kissing Lupin's forehead before accepting her own plate full of truffle from her mother.

"He sounds it," Petunia said, pretending not to be interested.

"You don't know him," said Lupin, "He's very kind actually."

"He's nice when he hangs Sev upside down? He's nice when's in one of his terrible moods after they lose Quiddich? And you sleep down in the common room?"

"Well no," said Lupin, "And I sleep down there so you'll come down and sit with me more often than not. But, I really don't get why you let me off so easy. It's not like I stop him."

"Well you're a people pleaser," said Lily, smiling as she fed him some of her truffle off her spoon, "It's you're only fault, so I accept it. It's not like it's not unexpected, given the circumstances."

"I think you're over looking something else as well," said Lupin and Lily rolled her eyes.

"I get angry and grouchy once a month too," said Lily, smiling mischievously.

"Right," said Lupin, shaking his head as Petunia and their mother dismissed themselves from the kitchen, and Lily sat on his lap.

"Can you stay the night?" Lily asked secretively as she slid the plate onto counter, then kissed his neck sweetly, "Please?"

"I can't," said Lupin, "Mum wants me home for the last week before school."

"Can I come with you?" She asked and Lupin shook his head.

"Um," said Lupin, "The full moon's the end of next week too. I'll be late to school."

"Shame," she said as he couldn't help but kiss her gently, he pulled away and she whispered into his ear, "We can sneak upstairs, mother won't notice."

"I love you," said Lupin, kissing beside her ear, "Don't ever forget that ok?"

"Ok," said Lily, suddenly serious as she pulled back enough to look into his face, "What's wrong? You're scaring me."

"Finally," said Lupin and she rolled her eyes.

"You know what I meant," said Lily and Lupin shrugged as he stood up.

"Let's go, love," he said, offering her his hand as he led her off upstairs.

Later Lupin was lying in Lily's bed, she was sleeping with her head on his chest, and he was staring at her ceiling. His arms were wrapped firmly around her, and he looked over to his robes lying discarded on the floor. Now would be the time that he was going to pop it on her, her father had always made no secret that he liked him, so that wouldn't be a problem. It was just not going to work.

"Reem?" Lily asked as she started to stir.

"I'm here," Lupin said and she smiled and kissed his chest.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you too," He said, "Which is why I have to do this."

"Do what?" she asked, she seemed excited, she thought she knew what was coming and he took a deep breath as she looked up at him.

"I'm sorry," said Lupin, "I never thought it would come to this. I thought you'd come to your senses before we got to this point."

"No need to be grim, hon," she said reaching up and caressing his cheek, and then smiled mischievously, "Just show me the ring."

"It's in my pocket," said Lupin, he couldn't ruin it for her right now, maybe he could fake his own death, be home schooled then flee the country. He'd rather flee the country than break up with her. "But that's not what I need to say."

"What is it, my love?" she asked, and then Lupin could just about see the light bulb over her head, "Oh, I told Tuney we'd be at dinner. She's introducing her new boyfriend. His name's Vernon… and he doesn't like any idea of magic. So, please don't let the wand out of the pocket."

"You don't like him do you?" Lupin asked, he meant it to be a tease but she seemed to take him seriously and she shook her head vigorously.

"Don't worry, Reem," she said, kissing his neck as she pressed her nose into the side of his neck, "I only have eyes for you. Besides, he's a bit gross."

There was silence for a little while.

"I'm caught here, Lil," said Lupin, "I need to tell you something that's going to hurt you, and I love you way too much…. I don't want to. I…"

"Did you cheat on me?"

"No," said Lupin as though she was speaking absurdities, "I would never do that to you."

"Then don't tell me," said Lily, "Do I get the ring?"

Lily always got whatever she wanted from him, it didn't matter. He was a people pleaser, and that was his downfall. He had had no intention of giving her the ring. It was stupid, and pointless, it would just make it that much harder when he ended it.

"Yeah," said Lupin, getting up and going over to his robes, getting the ring for her.

"Are you going to ask me?" She asked as he slid it onto her finger, trying to hide his reluctance.

"Will it matter?"

"One day when you're a famous Healer and we have eight kids…" Lily started, but Lupin scoffed so she stopped, "It's beautiful."

"It was my grandmothers," said Lupin politely, trying not to die and Lily smiled.

"Awe," said Lily, kissing his jaw.

"Why don't we go meet Severus or something?"

"I don't ever want to see him, Lupin," she said, and Lupin knew he was in trouble, she never used his sir name unless she was upset, "Not after what he did."

"You've forgiven him for much worse," Lupin pointed out.

"Ok, I just don't want to forgive him," Lily confessed, and Lupin looked down at her curiously.

"Why ever not?" Lupin asked.

"Well maybe I don't want to have to split my attention between the two of you," said Lily, "I don't want to have to juggle the two of you, and I chose you,"

"Maybe you should have picked more wisely," said Lupin and she leaned up and kissed him passionately.

"I really hate it when you talk down about yourself, Reem," said Lily, leaning up and kissing his cheek.

"I'm sorry, my love, hurting you would never be intentional," said Lupin, "At least if I could avoid it…"

"Lily?! Remus?!" Lily's mother called before she could ask him what he meant.

"Yes, Mum?" Lily called without flinching, Remus' heart pounded in his ears, Mrs. Evans would kill him if she saw the position they were in.

"C'mon down, sweets," she called, "Time for dinner, your father's nearly home."

"Ok," Remus hollered back as they got out of bed, "You're mother is much more trusting than I would be."

"She knows," said Lily, "She recognizes that Seventeen is an adult in my world. Dad would be furious though."

"Right," said Lupin hastily as they got dressed and he led her by the hand down the stairs.

"Oh my Lord," said Mrs. Evans as they reached the bottom of the stairs, and Lupin realized that he had grabbed Lily's left hand, the small diamond on the ring was sparkling in the setting sun.

Lupin blushed as he realized that the portly man standing beside Petunia was her new boyfriend. He let go of Lily's hand and walked over to Petunia and Vernon.

"Remus, nice to meet you, you must be Vernon," said Lupin politely as he shook his hand.

"Did you have to do that this second?" said Petunia, she looked as though she had been slapped in the face and Lupin shrugged, giving her an apologetic look.

"Sorry," said Lupin, seriously, "I didn't know, and when I found out I wanted to wait, but she figured out that I had it with me. You know I'm a push over when it comes to her."

Petunia rolled her eyes and folded her arms.

"You always have to make everything about you, don't you Lily?!" said Petunia angrily and their mother looked angry.

"Why can't you be happy for your sister?" Mrs. Evans asked and Petunia rolled her eyes as Lupin went over to Lily, fights with her sister were always tough on her, perhaps he'd pick another night.

"I'm sick of being happy for her!" said Petunia, "'Petunia, be happy she's taken her first step without falling. Petunia look she's going off to Hogwarts isn't she so special. Petunia why aren't you happy that your little sister has a perfect boyfriend and a perfect little charmed life.' I'm so sick and tired of being Happy for her! Why can't you just be proud of me, Mum?!"

Lily's eyes bulged and Lupin took her hand, leading her out the back door, and motioning for Vernon to follow them. They waited outside for a few minutes, trying not to listen to them screaming at each other inside.

"I'm sorry, Reem," said Lily, tucking a lock of his hair behind his ear, "I shouldn't have asked for it tonight, I should have…"

"Don't blame yourself," said Lupin, kissing her forehead, "You were excited."

"What's –a- going on inside?" Mr. Evans asked as he walked around back, he had heard the screaming.

"Remus and I are engaged," Lily told him, showing him the ring.

"Nice," He said, smiling at his youngest daughter and extending his hand to Vernon, "Nice to meet you ,Vernon is it? So Tune's upset?"

"Yes," said Lily, "I'm sorry, I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. Remus and I have been serious for a while."

"I know," said Mr. Evans, sighing heavily, "C'mon, let's go get some food, shall we?"

It all made Lupin feel sicker and sicker. He knew what he had to do and couldn't help but try and figure out how differently the whole family would feel about him after he ended it. He sat at the table as he always did, with his hand on Lily's knee and praying that he didn't have to do it. That Sirius would send some sort of message that James had met someone or something. Maybe someone could find the cure to werewolfism… in the next few minutes.

After dinner the family left Lupin and Lily to themselves out in the backyard. Lupin sat on the wooden swing with Lily's head in his lap. He stroked her hair gently as they looked up at the stars, and Lily told them their muggle names.

"What's wrong, Reem?" She asked as she looked down at their hands, which were resting on her flat stomach.

"Nothing," said Lupin, "I thought you didn't want me to tell you."

"I thought you didn't want to tell me," she said.

"I don't," said Lupin, "And now I've made a complete mess of things."

"How so?" Lily asked.

"I'm a werewolf," said Lupin, taking a deep breath.

"I know," said Lily, "I've known since first year, when we first met."

"Let me finish, love," said Lupin, and Lily fell silent, "I am a werewolf, and it's only a matter of time before it gets out. After that no one'll hire me, it's not like I'll have a steady job. You'll be ridiculed along with me, and that isn't something I'll be able to take. I guess what I'm getting to is, why me? You could take your pick…"

"Reem… You're right, I probably could, but I was always an oddball anyways," said Lily, and it took him a second to realize that she was teasing him, "Remus, it's always amazing to me that you don't see your own worth. At first I thought it was cute, but now it's just getting irritating. You're kind of one of a kind. You're quiet and shy, yet perfectly sweet and funny when you want to be. And it's not as though you're the creep in the corner with no friends. You're popular yet completely humble, and you don't let anything go to your head."

"And you see the good in people no matter what," said Lupin, "I just can't bring you down with me, Love. You can be happy with anyone, James, one of the others that follows you wherever you go…"

"Reem?" Lily asked, and Lupin's heart strained as a tear formed in her eyes, "No. This isn't happening. You're my fiancé and that's that."

"Lily," He said, "Do you really think we can work out?"

"Yes," she said and Lupin shook his head, "Please, Reem, not tonight…"

"As long as there's a moon to change me into that monster, you're in danger. Imagine, me turning into a wolf halfway through our wedding reception?"

"We can arrange it so that.."

"And if we have a child?" Lupin asked, "What if he follows me and I attack him by accident?"

"I can keep track of kids," said Lily, sitting up and looking at him. "And we can tell them."

"Lily," said Remus, "I love you, but this can't work. You're much brighter than me, you must see it."

"I don't see stupid stereotypes," said Lily, "You would be the best father…"

"Lily, enough," said Lupin as he stood up.

"Shouldn't I get a choice in this?" she said and Lupin nodded.

"But I get one too," said Lupin, and Lily just looked so beautifully heartbroken, "I wish this were fairer."

"Me too," said Lily, ripping the ring off her finger, "Here."

"Don't be ridiculous," said Lupin, "It's yours, just as a portion of me always will be yours. It's just you can't be mine."

***

"It's an extraordinarily long story," said Lupin, "Why don't you go on ahead first?"

"And painful?" Tonks asked, and seeing the stone look on his face she started, "Not all that interesting, I was just with a bad guy is all."

"Bad?" said Lupin, he was immediately concerned with what she was about to say, "What…"

"He was… a character," said Tonks, "In school everyone thought I was a freak. I met him after graduation and I was just glad he was interested. He had me transform so that I was tall, stick thin, supermodel like…"

"He made you?" Lupin asked, he felt like he was going to be sick, he knew what was coming.

"He was drunk most of the time…" Tonks continued with difficulty as Lupin dropped her hand to wrap his arm around her. He kissed the side of her head carefully, as if nudging her to continue.

"He hit you?" Lupin asked in barely a whisper, and she nodded as the tears dripped down onto his shoulder.

Lupin reached down and lifted her up in both arms. She continued to cry into his shoulder as he carried her over to the side of the path where there was a bench. He said down, her on his lap trying to comfort her.

"I have a few scars."

"I have a fair few myself," he said, kissing her temple, trying to get her to stop sobbing, "Shh Tonks, I would never do that to you. That's despicable, and I will never let anyone harm you. It's ok, you're safe."

It was a bit longer before Tonks had composed herself again. Lupin kissed her lightly and cautiously as she slid off his lap onto the bench. He kept his arm around her as support and she laid her head down on his shoulder. It was a little wet, but she didn't complain. They sat in silence for a few more moments, just staring out blankly. Lupin wanted to ask her his name, but decided that it was irrelevant. He wouldn't let that scum near her anyways, and it wasn't as though he would go after him.

"Lily and I were fifteen when we first started dating," said Lupin, and he tried to ignore her curious look up at him, "But we were seventeen when we broke up. Just before seventh year. Not many people knew, Sirius did and Severus, which was why he was so angry the other night."

"Were you two serious?" Tonks asked and Lupin nodded.

"She wanted to get married," said Lupin simply, leaving out the details for both of their benefit, "Engaged, for an extremely short time."

"What… I mean, obviously she married James…"

Lupin took a deep breath before just spilling everything to her. He told her about how serious they were and how back then he was so afraid of losing his friends, which seemed ironic now. He told her how afraid he was that Lily would be ostracized, and how he used that as an excuse to cover for the fact that he felt he needed to step aside for James.

"…And I'm afraid of that for you now," said Lupin, kissing the side of Tonks' face,  
"People don't even try to understand, and I'm afraid you'll be rejected too."

"Remus," said Tonks sternly, looking up at him, "Being rejected is not the worst thing. It's not like I haven't dealt with that before, either, Remus. Did it hurt, letting her go?"

"Still does, just it just about disappears when I'm with you," said Lupin as he saw a officer's car drive by, "We should get home."

"You already call Sirius' home?" said Tonks as they walked down the path toward the gate they hopped earlier.

"I get attached very quickly."

She chuckled as they hopped over the fence. The rest of the way back to the house they spent in silence, Lupin with his arm around her waist. For some reason they felt closer to each other, they had bonded just that much more. They walked into the house and Lupin helped her out of her coat, then hung it on the stand to avoid he knocking it over. Lupin looked around the hall and peered up the stairs. All the evidence stated that Sirius had already gone to bed.

"Sirius?" Lupin called, in just a perfect tone that he would hear if awake, but leave if he was asleep, "Think he's asleep?"

"Probably," said Tonks, looking at the clock on the wall, "It's nearly one."

"Really?" said Lupin, he was surprised, "Would you like to spend the night then?"

"Stay the night? Here with you?" Tonks said suggestively.

"There're plenty of guest bedrooms," said Lupin innocently and Tonks smiled as she curled into him.

She put her arms up around his neck and gazed up at him. He smirked mischievously as she leaned up and kissed him, rather passionately.

"That's-" He started.

"I know, that's not what _you_ meant," said Tonks, smiling knowingly at him, her face still inches from his as he leaned down and caught her lips between his.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hey…so sorry this took a while… I blame a mixture of sports and slight writer's block…short chapter… Read. Enjoy. Review….

A Rough Road

Chapter Six

Lupin woke up the next morning staring at the ceiling. He hadn't gotten much sleep, but he hadn't since the day Lily died. It wasn't fair, that he was so broken and he was what Tonks had decided to latch onto. It wasn't fair to her, it was just another reason why she should move on and find someone else. All the new things he was feeling with Tonks were bringing up the old memories of Lily. Some of which he had been suppressing for years.

***

Lupin walked into the Great Hall on September third, as it was just the end of the moon phase that phased him. It was night by the time he had gotten there, but he had done the make up work from the first two days on the Knight Bus on his way up. He was greated immediately by James, Sirius, and Peter. They all clapped him on his back and pushed a plate of food in front of him. He started eating as he looked around the table.

'Where's Lily?" He asked, worried something might have happened to her.

"She's upset," said Sirius, looking at him curiously, "She's been a mess the whole time we've been here. I assume she has been for a while."

"Right," said Lupin.

"It's sad," said James, "She's all sobbing and a mess. She doesn't bother to do her hair or even leave her dormitory when she's not in classes. She hasn't been eating. I think some of the girls've been nicking things for her though."

"The girls say she hasn't been sleeping either," said Sirius and Lupin nodded in comprehension, "She's a right mess and won't tell anyone why."

"Really Potter?" Minerva McGonagall tiredly as she walked over to the table with a rather frightened looking third year Slytherin, "A load of snakes in a cage blocking the Slytherins' dormitories?"

"Sorry Professor," said James, standing up, Peter with him, "It was just me and Peter this time, we had to do it, they were last on the list. I've blocked all the other common rooms."

"Where did you even get all those snakes?" She asked, she seemed impressed, but tired with James' tactics.

"The Forbidden Forest's full of 'em," squeaked Peter.

"All we had to do is stand on the edge and summon them," said James shrugging.

"C'mon Black," said McGonagall.

"No, he didn't help this time, Professor," said James, "He thought the idea was a bit juvenile. He thinks we're starting to lose our touch. Recons we should quit while we're ahead. I don't think so."

"Ok, let's go, Potter, Pettigrew," said McGonagall and she led them away as Lupin shoveled the rest of the food on his plate into his mouth, then headed up to Gryffindor tower with Sirius.

"So what's up with her?" Sirius asked Lupin and he shrugged.

"How should I know?" asked Lupin and Sirius stopped him, right there in the deserted corridor that was a short cut to their tower.

"What do you mean how should you know?" He asked putting a hand on Lupin's shoulder forcibly, "You're her bloody boyfriend, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not," said Lupin, he was tired, and all he wanted to do was get to bed and go to sleep; a sleep full of dreams starring Lily and himself.

"What do you mean you're not?" Sirius asked, taking his hand off Lupin's shoulder, "You're bloody nuts over her."

"I am," said Lupin, "But she deserves better."

"You great prat," said Sirius as they resumed walking, "She's a downright mess… Mourning."

They had reached the portrait of the fat lady, and were slightly perplexed when she didn't swing forward.

"C'mon," said Sirius, his temper about to flare, "I said the bloody password."

"I want to know why Lily's so upset," she said, eyeing Lupin.

"I dunno," said Lupin, "Mouring, c'mon."

"Fine," said the fat lady and she swung forward so they could climb through.

The common room was empty except for a older looking girl. She had pulled the old over stuffed armchair so that she could sit in it and see out the window. The two could see her profile, but not much else. Her hair was all frazzled and her face was tearstained. The only way Lupin identified her as Lily was the fact that his grandmother's ring was still on her left hand. He took a deep breath as she stood up.

"Reem?" She asked, her voice was soft and crackling.

"Yeah?" He said.

"You're safe?" She asked as though she couldn't believe her eyes and he nodded.

"Yes," said Lupin as she lifted her hand to touch his face, "Did I forget to tell you I was going to be late up to school?"

"Yes," said Lily, and she was on the verge of tears again.

"I'm sorry," said Lupin, reaching up and taking her hand off his cheek.

"I thought maybe you knew something was going to happen to you," she said, "And that's why…"

"No," said Lupin, shaking his head, and kissing her hand politely as he let go, "I'm fine. I think you should go to bed, ok? And maybe it would be easier – on both of us if you stopped calling me Reem."

***

Lupin shook his head, releasing himself from the memory as fast as he could. He could hear Sirius moving around in the hall as he got up and dressed in his new robes, and combed his hair before walking out into the hall. It was his first day down at Ollivander's and he was determined to give off a clean appearance, so the customers wouldn't suspect. He didn't want Ollivander to lose business for helping him out.

"G'morning," said Sirius as Lupin stepped out into the hall and closed the door softly behind him, "Tonks still sleeping?"

"I wouldn't know," said Lupin, and Sirius gave him a curious look.

"You came in awful late last night," said Sirius, smiling mischievously, "You send her home?"

"No," said Lupin, nodding towards the stair case that lead towards Harry's room, "She slept in Harry's room. I didn't think he'd mind."

"I'm pretty sure when you ask a girl to spend the night, they're supposed to stay with you," said Sirius, "And I'm also pretty sure that there's not a lot of actual sleeping to be had."

"It was the first date," said Lupin, and Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You've been drooling over each other for months," He said and then it was time for Lupin to roll his eyes.

"That doesn't mean I get to be any less of a gentleman," said Lupin politely and Sirius just shook his head.

"Sometimes I worry about you, Mate," he said and Lupin shrugged, "Your mother was a hippie for gods sakes."

"I want to take it slow," said Lupin and Sirius laughed.

"Any slower and you'll be a snail, or maybe a sloth," said Sirius as they heard Tonks come to the top the stairs, she was yawning.

Lupin smiled at the mere sight of her and Sirius looked a little taken aback. She stumbled down the stairs clumsily and Lupin took her hand as soon as it was in reach, steadying her as she came onto the landing. He kissed her quickly without thinking, just a peck. It was like day and night how happy he was when she was there, and how low he was when she wasn't.

"Good morning," said Lupin as she dropped his hand and put her arms around his neck.

"Sleep well?" She asked him, tucking a loose lock of his hair behind his ear.

"Yup," He lied, as she pecked his lips, "And you?"

"Harry's room is actually very nice," she said with a smile, "Except for the portrait of Grandpa Phineas."

"Apologies," said Sirius, "But I can't take him down. You can stay in another room if you wish."

"No," said Tonks releasing Lupin as she turned to look at her cousin, Lupin wrapped an arm around her. "It's fine, I told him to shut up or I'd slash his canvas. He did, naturally tell me I couldn't because of Dumbledore. But I convinced him that Dumbledore would understand."

Lupin chuckled a little as Sirius looked a bit scared.

"Breakfast then?" Sirius asked before adding the half joke, "Before you two go off to work and leave me all alone?"

Sirius -for once acting the parent instead of Lupin - cooked them both breakfast before sending them off to work. Lupin walked out of the house hand in hand with Tonks only to have to part with her on the front door step. He kissed her lightly and bid her good-bye before they both had to go their separate ways.

"Good morning, Ollivander," said Lupin as he walked into the shop and Ollivander smiled at him pleasantly.

"The books are in the back, dear boy," said Ollivander pleasantly as Lupin nodded and walked behind the counter, "I want to thank you for helping me out."

"I thank you for the work," said Lupin and Ollivander nodded as Lupin walked into the back room.

After hours of book keeping Ollivander walked into the back room. He told him it was closing time and Lupin nodded as he stood up. Ollivander gave him his pay for the day and then he was off. He got back to Grimauld Place and Sirius was waiting for him.

"How'd it go?" Sirius asked as Lupin walked down into the kitchen, he shrugged.

"It was ok," said Lupin as he slid down into a chair across from him, "How was Kreacher?"

"Creep as always," said Sirius indifferently, sipping his wine.

"I think you might be having much too much alcohol," said Lupin pleasantly as he took the bottle of wine that was sitting in front of Sirius and walking over and putting it back on a shelf.

"You're no fun, Moony," said Sirius and Lupin shook his head.

"What would you like for dinner?" He asked and Sirius shook his head.

"Shepherd's pie sounds good," said Sirius and Lupin headed into the kitchen, Sirius followed closely behind him.

"What no Tonks this evening?" Sirius asked and Lupin shook his head.

"There's a meeting later," said Lupin and Sirius hiccupped.

"Oh yes," said Sirius, "We've got Snape to come tell us how Harry's-" Hiccup "-been doing with his occulemcy, though they've only had two lessons."

"Right," said Lupin as he took out the ingredients then made them go to work with his wand.

"If I hear anything about that greasy prat doing anything to Harry," said Sirius, stopping to hiccup. "I'll deserve that warrant out for my arrest."

"Right," said Lupin again as he looked over to make sure that everything was going as it was supposed to.

"I think Dumbledore actually has cracked you know," said Sirius, suddenly very serious, "Snivellous isn't someone we should be trusting."

"I don't think that's our place," said Lupin, "But if you wish-"

"You're rather annoying," said Sirius, "Do you always have to agree with everything someone says? You're so concerned with what everyone else thinks, do you think it impossible for someone to actually like you?"

"Dinner'll be ready in a moment," said Lupin in avoidance as he turned his back to Sirius to observe the food cooking itself. "And can you send Tonks in when she gets here? She's coming early for supper."

"Yea," said Sirius, watching his friend closely.

"And do try to sober up a little before everyone gets here," said Lupin as Sirius went back out into the dinning room.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Sorry swim team + School = very busy Abbie… lol… ok so here we go… Read. Enjoy. Review :)

A Rough Road 

Chapter Seven 

Lupin had just finished setting the table for three and stood up. He had placed portions on the table for himself and Tonks on one side with Sirius on the other side of the table. He was just straightened out when he felt arms wrap around him from behind, squeezing him tight. He felt a pair of lips press to the back of his neck, he smiled lightly as he twisted his head around.

"I missed you," said Tonks as she went up on her tip-toes to be eye level with him.

"I missed you too," He said, leaning in the remaining few inches to kiss her lightly. He pulled way and she kept her arms wrapped around him as she pressed her head into his back. "Loosen your grip a little?"

"No," said Tonks stubbornly and he smiled as he managed to turn himself around so that he was facing her.

"You will eventually have to let go," said Lupin, kissing the top of her head, she looked sad.

"No," she said, her head against his chest, "Never."

"You ok?" He asked, using a hand to clear her bright hair from her eyes.

"Just a rough day," she said and Lupin nodded understandingly. "Kingsley had me running about tracking Sirius but really I was just following an old muggle man around for the day. Then I had lunch with a friend-who now thinks I'm crazier than before – and then I had to go to Azkaban because Dumbledore wanted me to check on the security up there. That place so dreadfull…"

"It's ok," said Lupin, pecking the top of her head again and rubbing her back comfortingly. "You're here now. Though you are eventually going to have to let go of me."

"Never," She said and Lupin smiled as he leaned down and kissed her softly.

***

"What're you doing, Lily?"A sixteen year old Lupin asked as he stroked her hair.

They were on summer break and sitting out on her back porch. They had been looking up at the stars for a while until she had turned. She had then been just staring at Lupin in the half-moon light.

"Promise me we'll always feel like this?" She asked and Lupin just looked down at her curiously.

"Promise we'll always feel what?" He asked and she sat up, kissing him softly.

"Like that," She said as she pulled away and he nodded.

"Thought that's what you meant," said Lupin, leaning down and kissing her lightly.

"You promise?" She asked again as she reached up and ran a hand through her hair.

"I promise I will always love you," said Lupin and she smiled, that was a satisfactory answer.

"Lily, Remus!" called Mr. Evans a few minutes later, "You two should get inside now. It's getting late. Remus, the guest room's all set up for you."

"Thank-you, sir," said Lupin as he stood up, helping Lily up beside him.

"I want to watch a movie," said Lily, leaning against Lupin with her head on his shoulder as they walked into the house through the back door. Petunia was eating ice cream in the kitchen. "Tuney, you want to watch a movie with us?"

"Not really," she said and Lily pouted.

"Please Tuney?" She asked and Lupin gave her a sympathetic look.

"Fine," She said and Lupin smiled as he leaned down and kissed the top of Lily's head as they walked into the next room.

There was a small color TV in the corner and Petunia popped in a movie of her choice into the tape player. Lupin leaned back and relaxed as the movie started to play.

***

Lupin came out of his memory as he was sitting around the magically elongated table for the meeting. Tonks had her head resting comfortably on his shoulder and Snape, who was speaking, kept shooting them scathing looks. He looked over to Sirius, who seemed to be losing more and more of his drunken patients by the second. While Lupin was in his trace he must've missed Sirius repossessing a rather large bottle of wine.

"Why is it that you still haven't gotten your own life, Snivellous?" Sirius asked rather rudely and Lupin shot him a look.

"Sirius…" said Dumbledore bracingly and Tonks just gripped Lupin's arm a little harder.

"Excuse me, Black?" Snape asked and Sirius stood up, stumbling slightly and Lupin tensed up a bit.

"You heard me correctly, Snivelly," said Sirius, "Why is it that you've got your robes all in a knot over them?" Lupin rolled his eyes and sank a little low in his chair. "You're just upset because she never even gave you a second look. Lily loved Remus and she loved James, never giving her best friend for so many years a backward glance…"

"Shut up," Said Snape acidly and Sirius chuckled.

The room had gone silent with Sirius' revelation and Dumbledore was sitting patiently, as if he knew this argument had to play out. Lupin looked over to one of his oldest friends knew this would not end well. Sirius could hardly stand where he was.

"Severus, he's drunk," said Lupin politely, "Why don't you just continue?"

"Well now that he's let loose the elephant in the room I don't see why I should," said Snape and Sirius pulled out his wand, and Snape pulled out his by default.

Lupin jumped to his feet, and with him so did Tonks. Lupin very gently nudged her to sit back down as he drew his wand. He pointed it at Snape in defense of Sirius who was holding a shaking one at Snape.

"Why don't we all put our wands down," said Lupin, the whole room was still silent.

"How charming are you," said Snape sarcastically, "Sticking up for your friend."

"You could just as easily be in his position," said Lupin. "Had you chased after Peter first."

"I'm surprised you weren't," said Snape, not taking his eyes of the shaking Sirius, "Or did she really not mean anything to you?"

"I hadn't seen her in months," Lupin confessed, "Not since Harry was born."

"Gentlemen!" Dumbledore cried as Sirius raised his wand, about to hex Snape. All eyes immediately turned to Dumbledore. "You three need to work this out before the warfare comes out into the open. If we're this divided now with little to no influence from Lord Voldemort, we will crumble. If we can't come together on this we are surely doomed. I think this is enough for one evening. You're all dismissed."

Lupin, Snape, and Sirius were still standing there, but had had the decency to lower their wands. Lupin's was already tucked away in his robes, though Snape was still glaring beadily at Sirius until Sirius had his wand fully tucked away. Snape was the last to put his wand away, but the first to leave the room.

"There is no need to repeat what happened here tonight to anyone," said Dumbledore severely as he looked around at the order, "I think you'll all agree Harry has much too much on his mind already without adding this to it. "

Lupin just looked down at his shoes until Dumbledore left the room, and looked up at Sirius with a disapproving look. Sirius sank back into his chair and Bill Weasley slid over to help to speak to him. Lupin looked around the room and started to head up the stairs, Tonks caught up to him as he hit the stairs to head up.

"Do you want me to go?" She asked as she caught the hem of his robes and he turned around.

He looked at her for a second, everything reeling in her head. He couldn't let her go like that, and he couldn't send her home with any questions about how he felt about her. He could tell by the look in her eye she wanted to go.

He went down so that he was level with her and kissed her passionately. He wrapped his arms around her and used one hand to cradle her head while he moved his lips against hers. He felt her wrap her arms up around his neck and he pulled her closer as he felt her start to lose her balance. He pulled away slowly as he tried to steady her and she smiled up at him.

"Only if you want to," said Lupin and Tonks gave him a mischievous smile as she went up on her tip toes and kissed his cheek, right over the scarred over slash.

"When are you going to learn?" Tonks asked inquisitively, "I love all of your scars."

Lupin smiled weakly as order members started to come up the stairs. He looked over their heads and smiled at them weakly as well before Tonks took his hand and pulled him upstairs. He stumbled up the stairs after her, only half trying to resist. She stopped in front of his room and she pressed him against the door.

***

About an hour after the movie had finished Lupin was lying in the bed in his temporary room. He was staring at the ceiling. He had just gotten a letter from James, it was lying on his bedside table. It was the invitation to the usual mid-summer gathering at his place. He wasn't sure whether he'd attend. James was always careful to plan them around the full moon so that Lupin could attend, but he wasn't sure he wanted to give up the time with Lily. He probably would, he just didn't like the idea. He reached over to turn out the light as Lily walked very swiftly into the room, carefully shutting the door behind her.

"Lily," said Lupin, trying not to look pleased to see her, but unable to hide it. "What're you doing? Your dad will kill me."

"No he won't," said Lily as she walked across the room, "Move over I'm cold."

"It's ninety degrees out," said Lupin looking up at her seriously.

"Come on," said Lily a little whine in her voice. "Please?"

"Your father will kill me," He said.

"Oh hush," said Lily, "He will not, he loves you. He would never… at the most he'll figure it out and just ignore it because it would be awkward."

"Right," said Lupin, "They're just going to turn a blind eye?"

"Shut up and scoot over," said Lily, "I just want to cuddle, don't get too excited."

"Fine," said Lupin sighing, knowing that he was not going to win this battle.

He slid over and Lily crawled in next to him. He wrapped his arms around her and placed his chin to the side of her neck. He kissed just under her ear as her eyes slipped closed.

***

Lupin laid in bed with Tonks, his arms around her tight while she slept in his arms. His eye lids were heavy and taking more and more energy to keep open. The darkness of the room surrounded him, and he slipped off into one of the most peaceful sleeps he had had in a long time.


End file.
